Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Busy

I love to read. Someday I'd love to write. But right now life is busy. Too busy. Is there ever enough time to do all that you have to, need to, want to? The answer is simple...Nope. God gave us a finite time on this earth and we all strive to make the most of, don't we? I'll admit, I've been busy. Too busy to finish the two manuscripts I've started. Too busy to completely finish the fiction and nonfiction books that fill my home, and my Amazon wishlist. Too busy to put my health first. Too busy, sadly, to maintain meaningful connections with dear friends and family whom I miss and love. Is that an excuse? My busy details keep me from following through on important priorities? No. Just a sad current reality. Can I just say, "Grrr!!!"?!?! My busyness angers and frustrates me so.

But as the daughter of a pastor and teachers, a life-long seeker and student of the Word through both the worst of seasons and best of seasons in my spiritual life... I KNOW we were meant for more than this. More than living this life from post-it note to post-it note, from list to list, day by day. God gave us a purpose, so are we SO busy we could even recognize and truly follow our God-designed purpose? Have we been so busy that we have a clue what our purpose is? Honestly, I don't know. I don't have my answer...yet.

I am painstakingly learning that busyness is keeping me from what I feel spiritually compelled to do. Be a good attentive wife; a creative and more involved mother; a caring, available and compassionate sister, daughter, friend; and a leader who practices servant leadership with the pursuit of excellence at work.  Pieces exist in those areas, but not the full package.

So I ask...Where is the balance in life? Is it even possible to do it all??  Have you found out how??  I am constantly seeking. And here's the great news-  I am seeking by studying the Word!!

Recently, I have been finishing a  womens' small group Bible study and I am impressed and humbled by the knowledge and insight these amazing women have. The are just as busy in their own lives, and yet I desire to have their level of wisdom and understanding. It has been such a new "quiet-mind" time for me, calming to be silent within myself from the endless lists by observing and listening. And a much needed realization that when I slow or stop all the "busy" of life, God fills my time, my thoughts, my heart. It's hard to be still because I will busy myself, primarily my mind, with...everything. Technology, social media, movies, keeping the house, organizing the kids, balancing work goals with personal ones. Even tried to use goal reminder apps for my computer and smartphone with daily email reminders. "Oops! Too busy right now to do that which I am reminding myself to do"...what is THAT?!? 'Why do I do the things that I hate?"

Thank God for his Holy Spirit who whispers to me in those hair-pulling frustrating moments!! I am learning, and stubbornly relearning, that sometimes, MOST times, the BEST lessons in life come from the quiet times. The un-busy times. When we can be still, listen, and learn. Then we find, or at the very least get a glimpse of, our purpose, our calling. Then we can prioritize. Then we can let go of some of our list of have to's, need to's and want to's...and take care of HIS to's. Amazing is HIS grace and patience with our flawed selves! When we stray, HE guides us back. More than all the busyness...I desperately crave THAT! That close tight relationship when HE and I are in constant communication. My prayers are never ceasing.  That practice calms me, brings clarity, and renews my heart. Thank the Lord!!! As my family says, "God is good, all the time, no matter what!"

So I am chosing to be more busy, with the Lord! Amen friends?!

BTW- read the book of James. :-)

~Susan
Phil. 4:13